I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
