3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
