i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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