i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
