apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
