i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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