Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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