you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
