Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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