I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
where are my eyebrows?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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