we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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