I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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