sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
