im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
