The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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