I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
either way he was missing a nipple.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
