soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
