PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
