I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
