I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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