There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
