Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
