i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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