Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
