So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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