You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize