ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
