I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
