This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
