I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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