Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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