we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
