I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam