Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
