My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
