ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
