im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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