I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
