We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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