If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
