Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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