Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
