At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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