guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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