I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
