Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
