Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
