I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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