He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize