Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
