I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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