this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love having hate sex.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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