I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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