Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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