1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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