he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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