toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yo dont text me then not text me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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