I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
