I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When are your genitals available?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
