my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
