opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You pole danced in your parka.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
