One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
