I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
