No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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