I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
