Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
then he tried to convert me to islam
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
