I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
