she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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