This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
