your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
