we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
