The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
