THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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