Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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