it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
