In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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