Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
