i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
