are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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